@Nickadoo: On Twitter, people respect you for sharing your deepest, darkest flaws. Unless those flaws are typos, in which case, die in a fire.
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@IamEnidColeslaw: Romeo and Juliet is a story about two teenagers who save themselves a lot of trouble by avoiding marriage
@McGunnersite: I'm giving up alcohol for a month. Wait sorry, that didn't come out right : I'm giving up. Alcohol for a month.
@abbycohenwl: Before they built this Trader Joe's, there was just an empty field with wild shoppers politely blocking each other's way
@Kendragarden: I said "Margarita" 3 times in the mirror instead of "Bloody Mary" and now a ghost mariachi band is forcing me to play maracas for them.