@Nickadoo: On Twitter, people respect you for sharing your deepest, darkest flaws. Unless those flaws are typos, in which case, die in a fire.
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@TheMichaelRock: The best part about being a grown-up is not having to answer to ANYONE! (What's that, honey? Be right there.)
@varoon_singh: When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
@SondraDeeMe: Call me crazy, but the last person who did is still in a full body cast, so it's up to you.
@Lowenaffchen: I used to worry about offending people's moms on facebook but now they all post memes like "I chug vodka to keep from drowning my children"