@Nickadoo: On Twitter, people respect you for sharing your deepest, darkest flaws. Unless those flaws are typos, in which case, die in a fire.
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@perrypotters: Things I know I cannot do but still try to: 1. Cartwheel 2. Hit the high note 3. Move things with my mind 4. Eat 'just one' 5. Be Cool
@lazerdoov: Break into your neighbor's house every night but don't take anything just put a cape on their dog
@aveuaskew: In retrospect, replying "Happy as a serial killer in a skin suit factory", probably wasn't the best way to respond to my therapist.
@katvonwitt: Local news station is airing a segment on free rent in exchange for sex. Look, you don't have to tell me how a marriage works.