@WheelTod: On your first day at the beach, go up to the toughest-looking guy there, and let the air out of his water-wings.
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@zacharyflynn: If a mouse family ever stole my iPhone and used it as a flat screen TV then I'm okay with it as long as they're happy.
@TheAlexNevil: If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, no question, I would want to be alive.
@McCutty1: She won't admit she's obsessed with Instagram... But her kids' names are Brannan, Kelvin, and Valencia.
@pixelatedboat: "Hey buddy, you wanna buy a harmonica?" I opened my coat and got hit by a gust of wind, making the worst sound in the world