@ShesARealGenius: On your first day in prison, make sure you go up to the warden and compliment the décor.
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@imchriskelly: I have complicated opinions on the death penalty. I think it’s wrong but I also think that owners of cash-only establishments should get it.
@decentbirthday: judge: we hereby find you guilty of parrot smuggling me: this is bullshit *from jacket* this is bullshit
@jwoodham: All of my passwords are the names of various "Friends" characters. Except for Ross. I've never used Ross. Not after what he did to Rachel.
@Black__Elvis: My gf said all I do is sit on the couch in my underwear all day but that's bullshit, I've never been able to fit my underwear onto my couch.