@ShesARealGenius: On your first day in prison, make sure you go up to the warden and compliment the décor.
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@FuckabillyRex: If you're the kinda person that gets antsy when people stand on an escalator instead of walking, try a blood curdling scream, they'll move.
@DurtMcHurtt: DATE: If you don't stop talking like a phone sex operator I'm gonna leave. ME: oh yeah? *low raspy voice* ..and then what are you gonna do?
@ninjadinosaur1: have a nail gun and some boards laying around? show him you love him by adding some attractive wood paneling to his car