@duplicitron: Once a guy at the grocery store yelled at me to stop talking on a banana like a phone so I hung up and shot him with it.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@kelkulus: Whichever marketing genius created the "Kim Kardashian Kollection" must not know much about history or acronyms.
@oxygenplug: "yes I'm very good in bed" *folds blanket and neatly props up pillow* *pillow falls over* "Oh no, this doesn't normally happen I swear"
@therealeatwood: BRAM STOKER: I wrote this 64-page story about a vampire EDITOR: It’s good but can you add 300 pages of vampire hunters tracking a shipment
@ImSoFrancis: *tornado takes out half of my house* Me: (without looking up from my phone) hey guys is the internet not working for you?