@SortaBad: Once an octopus figures out how to do roundhouse kicks, humans are pretty much done
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@_davidlucas_: *Takes gift wrapping paper to the counter* Her: Did you want to buy that? Me: No, I just wanted to hold it for a while.
@ValeeGrrl: Little does the bus driver know, that "I love you" I shout after my kids every morning is for him too.
@lovemydogduck: I wonder how many calories you burn locking yourself out and having to climb in through a second story window.??
@Mr_Kapowski: Cop: There was no else going anywhere nearly as fast as you! Me: I know. I was winning.