@duplicitron: Once at church I opened my eyes during prayer and saw Jesus riding around on a wolf making sure everyone’s eyes were closed.
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@simoncholland: If you leave me a voice mail that asks me to call you back at my convenience you have no one to blame but yourself.
@AnnDabromowitz: When I'm CEO of Subway, employees will no longer be called "sandwich artists." They will be "sub humans."
@causticbob: Short skirts have a tendency to make men polite. Have you ever seen a man get on a bus ahead of one?
@Brampersandon_: [leaving a party] HOST (holding 2 identical coats): which is urs ME: does 1 have a corn dog in its pocket H: ya M (suspiciously): mine had 2