@TraylorParker: Once I burned my Trailer down when I left a candle burning after a romantic date. To keep my street cred, I claimed it was a meth explosion.
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@wilw: Cat: LET ME OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW LET ME OUT RIGHT NOW! Me: *Staggers out of bed. Opens door* Cat: *lies down on doormat*: You are dismissed.
@juliussharpe: Nothing like riding a motorcycle without a helmet. The wind blowing through your hair... the warm pavement on your face...
@thetits: [end of the night]*hand running through her hair, pulls out a lizard* ME: no not again *she unzips jacket, collapses into a pile of lizards*
@meganamram: If video games have taught me anything, it's that you'll automatically get promoted if you kill your boss