@1Happytwit: Once in your life, you'll come across a special person that makes you think the prison food will be worth it.
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@jazmasta: Been flirting with this hot chick in this bar for almost a hour now. It's only a matter of time now till nothing sexual happens whatsoever.
@adam_bloomquist: If I was a girl named Isis, I'd be pissed that half the people decided to change my name to Isil.
@amishschool: Wife said I should talk to the kids about drugs so I told them how faking a back injury would usually get you some Vicodin.