@onedavedeep: Once she realized I was chatting her up, the Kohl's girl immediately indicated the extent of her interest: "My dad wears shirts like that"
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@SuicideBooth1: [fans out the deck] Pick a card, any card.. Memorize it.. [hits you in the face with a shovel] KING OF SPADES! [walks off]
@Jimmy_Smacks: When someone says "We can still be friends" after a break up it's like saying..."The dog died but can we still keep it?"
@SirEviscerate: *accidentally uses flash while trying to take pic of funny looking person on the bus* ... *makes distant thunder noises with mouth*