@onedavedeep: Once she realized I was chatting her up, the Kohl's girl immediately indicated the extent of her interest: "My dad wears shirts like that"
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@KingRainhead: friend: i want a bf me: i want to hold the reins of 2 equally powerful, beautiful horses who run w/perfectly matched paces & also respect me
@jonnysun: hey ther delilah wats it like in gotham city is the joker stil in jail-- i mean yes babe u look so prety yes u do batman is not a cool as u
@JohnLyonTweets: A tornado can get rough quickly, so it's important to agree on a safe word before having sex with a tornado.
@shkeeber: Mom: Where're you going? Me: To dinner with my friends! Mom: Your friends? Me: I'm going to use McDonalds' free Wifi to get on twitter...