@onedavedeep: Once she realized I was chatting her up, the Kohl's girl immediately indicated the extent of her interest: "My dad wears shirts like that"
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@audipenny: [speaking very loudly to no one trying to impress someone nearby] Man what am I going to do with all these hens
@daemonic3: Tried to make jokes on this plane about the other passengers' carryon bags, but they went over their heads
@ShawnGarrett: Did the math. Facebook is worth $100 billion and with 800 million users that puts the value of a life at $12.50. Never pay a hitman more.