@MrJeberling: Once while eating bacon I said I was "getting piggy with it" and now I have no friends.
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@weinerdog4life: There is a button on my microwave that says "super clown" and I do not ever push that button
@confusedlush: People who try to prepare for the end of the world are obviously misunderstanding the core concept.
@PhuktUpScott: My neighbour was rushed to hospital today after a wasp landed on his face. It didn't sting him, luckily I got it first with my shovel.