@MrJeberling: Once while eating bacon I said I was "getting piggy with it" and now I have no friends.
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@stormy_hero: [at wedding] "I now pronounce you husband and wife." Couple kisses *yelling from the back row "AWKWAAAARD"
@tsm560: Me: I really don't have any bad habits to speak of. Her: So you have no bad habits? Me: No, I have plenty! Just none I'd want to speak of.
@joerogan: Seth Rogen and James Franco having their movie pulled due to terrorist threats sounds like the plot of a Seth Rogen and James Franco movie.
@tayandmae: 9 out of 10 child psychologists believe TV's shouldn't be babysitters 9 out of 10 child psychologists don't have children