@MrJeberling: Once while eating bacon I said I was "getting piggy with it" and now I have no friends.
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@theshantilly: [pushes panic button in the middle of MRI] Tech: Are you okay? Do you have any questions? Me: Yeah. Who sang the song that was just playing?
@david8hughes: [sees kid crying at the mall] R u lost? [kid nods, wiping tears] Well [blows cigarette smoke in kids face] looks like u live at the mall now
@Contwixt: It is true. Time flies when you are having fun. However it is also true that Time eventually rests on a tree branch and shits on your head.