@slennonhugs: once while i was camping in Florida a raccoon got in my car and long story short if you see a raccoon driving a 97 Saturn Wagon DM me
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@Playing_Dad: Wife: Why is there a charge for $3,000 to Men's Warehouse? Me: I have no idea. Don't go outside tho
@TheTweetOfGod: Today is the first day of the rest of your life and you've already screwed it up.
@ShanaRose21: I can never find my cars keys but I won't forget that time you checked out another woman at the mall four years ago.