@badbanana: Once you commit to the idea of a closed casket funeral it really takes a lot of pressure off how you live your life.
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@joejwest: ROOMMATE: Big date later? ME: [combs hair] Yes R: Where? M: [fixes tie] The woods R: Is it with a bear again? M: [dabs honey behind ears] No
@MAngelo505: My doctor says I should lose 10 lbs and work out more. But why? Spanx launched a men's line.
@MrsTomServo: Barbie didn't give me a poor body image; Barbie taught me you can't reattach a head once it's been removed from the body.
@psybermonkey: "Please be aware that we are experiencing higher than average call volume" *connects* Agent: Hello Me (whispering): hello