@badbanana: Once you commit to the idea of a closed casket funeral it really takes a lot of pressure off how you live your life.
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@djdarrellripley: Her: You are so rude... I just hate you sometimes. When you die I'm gonna dance on your grave! Me: Not with those fat ankles!
@JohnLyonTweets: Apparently a guy named George Martin leaked all the main plot points of the next season of Game of Thrones in some books he published. Jerk.
@scorpiusryan21: My friend and I have a pact that if we're not married by age 40, we're going to fist bump and take shots for making good decisions
@aidanjsears: ME: i'm nervous WIFE: don't be. just be confident [later] BOSS: so do you think you'd be right for the job ME: *confidently* no