@Sickayduh: One advantage The Monkees had over The Beatles was the opposable thumb
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@Tommytoughstuff: [Hardware store] ME: I'll take one of those giant forks. WORKER: That's a rake. ME: I'm gonna eat so much spaghetti with that thing.
@bingowings14: Been to the hospital to get a mole checked. Apparently they all look like that & I should've just left it in its hole in the garden.
@KellieMounce: Worst part of my old job was drug screenings. Had to tell a guy he was pregnant. Lesson: don't use your girlfriend's urine for testing.