@novicefather: One bad mushroom trip in high school and here I am 15 years later still sexually attracted to Rosie O'Donnell.
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@AntozWolf: They say being a hostage is difficult - but I could do that with my hands tied behind my back.
@GABBYdaAngSaya: Her: I'm leaving you Me: Because of the ancient Roman literature puns? Her: Yah Me: But Aenid you
@panmidwest: ANGEL: the humans need a model for how they should treat you… GOD: [creates dog] ANGEL: …and for how they actually do GOD: [creates cat]
@DecantAndPour: I drink a glass of red wine a day for health benefits. The other 7 glasses are just for me.