@mikeleffingwell: One big plot hole in X-Men is that Wolverine is over 100 yrs old but there's never been a point in history when that was a hairstyle.
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@jctwritesstuff: [First Date] Me: So, Construction? Him: Yeah M: You nail stuff? With your big hammer? H: M: Like to screw? H: M: Hey! Where are you going?
@tricycle_champ: [walking away from taco truck] WIFE: whats wrong ME: nothing WIFE: did u think the truck would be one giant taco ME: *wiping away tears* no
@venomjunkie2: I keep a banana in my pocket just in case, because I’m really not glad to see anybody.