@mikeleffingwell: One big plot hole in X-Men is that Wolverine is over 100 yrs old but there's never been a point in history when that was a hairstyle.
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@Browtweaten: Wife: You're not using the instructions to build the bookcase? Husband: Nope, I'm doing it entirely shelf-taught, haha Wife: *eyes fixate on hammer*
@TylerFoFyler: Had a big mix up at the store today, apparently when the clerk said "strip down facing me," she meant my credit card.
@vonTraphaus: Captain Planet (1991) - a gang of illegal immigrant Eco-terrorists summon a demon to terrorise job creators
@crylenol: *pops out of casket at funeral* ok but when I actually die you guys better have nicer things to say