@Kappa_Kappa: One day I hope the bravery of the people who initiate clapping is recognized.
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@OneFunnyMummy: I remember Daddy told me fairy tales can come true so any time an old lady offers me an apple or cookie I kill her and bury her in the woods
@CYComedy: My goal weight is for my waiter to ask me if I want a salad with my meal without bursting into laughter.
@TheWadest: *requests Uber* *climbs in backseat* Uber driver: "Where to?" Me: "oh, nowhere. I just don't like to change my diaper in the street."