@topshelftyson: One day I hope to be doing so well that people accuse me of being a clone
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@TylerLinkin: I saw an image of Jesus in my breakfast burrito. I asked myself, what would Jesus do? And so I ate him. Two hours later... Holy Shit!
@Brampersandon_: INTERVIEWER: this says u work well with otters. Did u mean others? ME (shoving a romp of otters back into my briefcase): haha yeah of course
@BrandonEsWolf: The flight attendant keeps saying "Please stop asking for peanuts. Busses don't have flight attendants."