@shesananteater: One day I'm gonna go to work without my glasses and they're gonna be like, "Who's that hottie?" and I'm gonna be like, "WHO IS SAYING THAT?"
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@Brianhopecomedy: I'm circling the auto shop and hoping that my mechanic can hear me yelling, "BRAKES!".
@SocialustGal13: I don't hate you. Hate is such a strong word. I just want to tickle your brain with this ice pick.
@WilliamAder: We have a local weatherman who often forecasts "changeable skies." He makes a lot of money to make that call.
@freypalm: Date: Cat-callers disgust me. Me: [hastily returning phone to pocket] Oh haha yeah me too. My cat: *at home by the phone worried sick*