@shesananteater: One day I'm gonna go to work without my glasses and they're gonna be like, "Who's that hottie?" and I'm gonna be like, "WHO IS SAYING THAT?"
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@iamburtjarvis: [moving her panties to the side] HEY MAA, I'M MAKING ROOM FOR MY LEGOS IN YOUR UNDERWEAR DRAWER.
@notacroc: [at a bar] CUTE GIRL: *grabs my arm* hey there ME: *mouth full of food* did you know a lobster on a kabob is called a kablobster
@ValeeGrrl: You have to admire husband's focus as he plays on his iPad while I furiously chop carrots tapping out "I hate you" in morse code w my knife.
@suntzufuntzu: Woman on the phone congratulates you for winning "Unknowing Android of the Year." "I'm not an android!" you protest. "Marvelous," she gushes