@shariv67: One day ISIS is going to screw up and accidentally hit 'add your location' to a tweet.
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@mc_funbags: So you've had white presidents, a black president and now an orange one. I'm crossing my fingers for the Hulk next time around.
@DillDoes: Being a worm must great. Its like "wow that dirt was great I hope there's more" and there always is
@TitansHomer: Wife: What's the Harlem shake? Me: I don't know, I think they sell them at Burger King?
@Fred_Delicious: [2 dogs eating dinner] "u know Sharon, that life insurance policy u found me is great" [stops chewing] "why does this taste like chocolate"