@shesananteater: One day my GPS is gonna say, "You should know this one by now" and shut off.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@AlanHungover: *Nerdy guys phone rings* JOCK: "Who was that, your girlfriend?" *Everyone laughs* NERD: "Nope. It was yours." *Dead silence*
@lilplayer809: I'm a leader, not a follower... Unless it's into a dark place, then screw that, you're going first.
@KenJennings: I bet a lot of people have tried that "See you next year!" joke at the end of December but got proven wrong by dying in a DUI.
@inmybox07: Whoever designated mini cupcakes as "two-bite" has greatly underestimated my #cupcake eating abilities.