@Sirrruh: One day my kids will find a "We're Closed" sign for a grocery store & ask what it is & I'll sound like the old guy explaining shit in Zelda.
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@bridger_w: Honestly, Officer, I wouldn't have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me
@better_off_dad: *At demonstration *grabs megaphone - stands on car 'DOES ANYONE HAVE AN iPHONE CHARGER?'
@cepheusjackson: SON: *first word* momma. MOM: DID YOU HEAR THAT? ME: *distracted by the faint song of an ice cream truck* He never comes down our street.
@2tonbug: "Check, please!" - Me, at a restaurant begging the waiter to make sure there are no monsters under the table