@LoverOfComics94: One day she says "Treat me like a princess," the next she's pissed that I married her off in exchange for an alliance with Spain. Women...
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@Sean_Burgundy_: Window repairman: What happened did someone try to break into your house? Me: No. My gf said we needed to talk
@stephenjmolloy: *registering with a doctor* Receptionist: "Thanks for filling in the form - you've missed the next of kin section" *batman runs out crying*
@brennadine: Is there something about me that suggests I want to hear about your smoothie cleanse, because I can change.