@Tw1tter_K1tten: One day the mailman is going to murder my whole family and my dog will be like "Ha. Who needs to quit yapping and go lay down now?"
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@mikefossey: Guy: I'll pay for my coffee and the guy behind me Me: hi thanks can I get a large coffee with 85 espresso shots
@ObscureGent: My favorite act of vengeance is befriending your dad and convincing him that dread locks would look cool on him.