@Tw1tter_K1tten: One day the mailman is going to murder my whole family and my dog will be like "Ha. Who needs to quit yapping and go lay down now?"
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@thatUPSdude: Oh Subway You got busted lying about how big it is, no worries we've been doing that for years. Sincerely; Guys
@WhaJoTalkinBout: Me: Do you want to meet your sisters at the bus stop? 5: *doesn't look up* I already know them.
@SarahAMoulton: I bet when humans 1st learned to eat there were a lot of mishaps. "Just tried the sand, Betty, probably a 2 out of 10. Don't eat the sand."
@UrplePingo: In honor of Columbus Day I'm going to drive around until I get lost then make myself at home in the first clearly inhabited house I find