@trevso_electric: One fist-bump from a cool black dude is worth 5 years of my parents loving me.
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@Donnie_Fairburn: One time someone told me the camera adds 10 pounds and I was like why would anyone eat a camera you idiot?
@TwinSurvivalist: Let's not buy them two of all the same toys we said. It'll teach them to share, we said. We are idiots.
@discountzen: I told my husband that instead of leaving his dirty dishes on the counter, he should leave them in 1952 so a nice housewife cleans them up.
@Fred_Delicious: [sees some cut grass] "Nice" [sees some ripped leaves] "oh yea" [sees a twig with a 6 pack] "holy shit"