@simoncholland: One fun thing about kids crying is trying to determine if they broke a crayon or got their arm stuck in a piece of farming equipment.
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@Beatonm5: perfume should come with instructions like on medicine: Dab LIGHTLY on pulse points Do NOT marinade in event of overdose take shower
@Tw1tter_K1tten: My cat's name is Isis, so you can imagine my horror when I turned on the news and saw "Isis believed to be allied with Al-Qaeda"
@lawbsterfest: Kevin, children are allowed to order pizzas. You don't have to make the delivery guy think he's being shot at by gangsters. For christ sake.
@MUMSIEesq: My mom said I gained weight so I told her I was pregnant. Now I've got like 8 months to prepare to raise a fake baby.