@simoncholland: One good thing about having kids is that they are sick every time I get invited to something I don't want to do.
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@01CandyQueen: I hate when people say, "You barely touched your food" like what do you want me to do stroke it?
@themorris23: On the highway, getting passed by a minivan is the football equivalent to getting tackled by the kicker.
@MUMSIEesq: Pro Tip: Do not let your kids push that red button in the elevator. The fire department will NOT think its adorable.
@batkaren: I always date mathematicians. That way when they ask why I'm breaking up w/them I can say DO THE MATH JERRY. Oh yeah & I always date Jerries