@simoncholland: One good thing about having kids is that they are sick every time I get invited to something I don't want to do.
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@josh___grant: Don't people with bumper stickers realize it takes a t-shirt to change a person's deeply held beliefs?
@BigHeb7: I just saw three dudes wearing denim shirts with denim jeans. Who's responsible for this shit? Canada? Was it you, Canada?
@le_buns: "would u like some dessert?" i ask the moose head above the fireplace "no thanks im stuffed" i reply, in a slightly deeper voice
@themorris23: Ive always hated math because, in my head, all the word problems sounded like this: The spaghetti envelopes are triangular. Find X.