@Gooooats: "One good thing about me is that I'm a great listener," I said while some kind of noise came out of her face.
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@P1ssed_K1d: I've always wanted to buy 2 coffees, take them to a crime scene & while handing 1 to the officer in charge ask, "So, what do we have here?"
@omgthatspunny: The store keeps calling me to come back and buy more bedroom furniture, but all I really wanted was one night stand.
@seamusmckracken: Make sure your first place together is on the ground floor, so when she throws your stuff out the window, it won’t break.
@jannable9: I'm not sure who looks more frightened & confused when someone knocks on my door, the dog or me?