@badbanana: One horribly inappropriate comment and you'll never be shown another baby photo at work ever again. Totally worth it.
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@Rollinintheseat: Interviewer: "Why do you want to be a librarian?" Me: "I like telling people to be quiet."
@shopkins776: Always take one positive friend & one negative friend on road trips. Then if your battery dies, you can hook cables to them & start your car
@TheToddWilliams: [murder trial] LAWYER: So you unplugged your wife's life support for five minutes? COMPUTER TECH: Sometimes that works.