@iGreenMonk: One man's internet wife is another man's internet husband.
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@iGreenMonk: Every night I keep a pillow under my gun in case a murderer threatens me to a pillow fight.
@MarieColette: Get a hair cut, run away without paying. They can't chase you because they're holding scissors. The perfect crime.
@rickolantern: I wish there was something called the pizza/enchilada/beer diet where you lost weight. Cause I'm on it and that's not what's happening.