@mofrorock: One man's sprinkler is another man's bidet
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@AGreaterMonster: Dear Applicant, Your résumé appears to be a string of stolen tweets. Congratulations, you're our new VP of Marketing!
@robdelaney: Imagine your relief if you had a dream your daughter was dating a DJ then woke up & remembered she was dating a ferris wheel operator.
@NefuDaBoss: Everyone: If you keep listening to your music so loudly you'll be deaf by the time you're 20 Me: What