@mofrorock: One man's sprinkler is another man's bidet
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@LeahsLounge: I think having a highway to Hell and only a stairway to Heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.
@Boourns83: Turns out hanging out in sewers eating pizza and practicing karate will not make me an honorary ninja turtle.. Now I just smell like shit
@Deurb1: The lady in front of me wearing yoga pants keeps bending over to pick up quarters, hope she will for dimes too, as I'm out of quarters.
@ilovepie84: "Jesus take the wheel" -an Asian man telling the police that a Mexican guy stole his rims off his Honda Civic.