@mofrorock: One man's sprinkler is another man's bidet
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@WilliamAder: Auto correct changed "mingle" to "mangle," and now I've been uninvited to a Superbowl party.
@Slims_Ramblings: "Hey look, there's a deer frolicking in the woods over there!" Deer: What the hell did you say I was doing?
@daemonic3: Is this your resume? "Yep" It just says you used to leave shit at your friends' doors, ring the bell & run away "Oh yes" Welcome to UPS!