@Nicoleroxxu: One more glass of wine and my "only a lesbian from the waist up" rule is about to go out the window.
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@cray_at_home_ma: Hubs: Kids are still asleep! Know what that means? Me: We have to be quick! *Runs to the hidden box of Cocoa Puffs and pours 2 big bowls*
@WeissBrandon: Me: excuse me waitress, I ordered this filet medium-rare and it's clearly a peanut butter and jelly Wife: did you just call me "waitress"?
@MouthOfSass: Pretty sure the neighbors are impressed with the banging and screaming they heard. Little do they know it was just me chasing a spider.
@KyleMcDowell86: [Bowling Alley] "I'm sorry sir, but we don't have any bowling shoes left" *gestures towards a happy family of centipedes bowling*