@TheThomason: One nice thing about your 30s is people talk less about figuring themselves out and more about where the best sandwiches are.
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@Reverend_Scott: Before you reply to a tweet, take a deep breath. Now hold it. Hold it... Hold it.... Hold it... Keep holding it... Die.
@lafpgh: Showed my husband all the super-awesome Twitter lists I'm on. He put me on a list called People I Probably Shouldn't Have Married.
@MelvinofYork: If my wife calls me passive-aggressive one more time I swear to God I'm going to run the dishwasher half-empty again