@BeingDBEAST: One of my biggest fear is being chased by Usain Bolt during zombie apocalypse.
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@birbigs: Russian skater just explained that he is "not a robot," proving, of course, that he is a robot. #Olympics
@PaperWash: HAHA! Answer your phone silly. I called you like 18 times. -I say as I climb through your window
@crushingbort: "daddy where do babies come from" "we just don't know, sweetie...*peers through blinds, the sky is dark with babies* "...we just don't know"
@iQuoteComedy: That awkward moment when you're scuba diving and you see adele rolling in the deep.