@FattMernandez: One of my biggest fears is that before I die, spiders will evolve the ability to coordinate their legs and run like horses.
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@tarastrong: "Mom, I hate the word, 'Hemorrhoid'. It's like a weird planet. Hi,I'm Hemorroidian! Or oh no! A hemorrhoid is headed 4 Earth!" -my 12yr old
@pleatedjeans: [airport] For $800 more you can upgrade to Arctic Class What's that? Same as coach but the flight staff is penguins [slaps table] SOLD
@lmwortho: I think if a trained monkey could drive a car, cook & give out money, my kids wouldn't notice it wasn't me. I need a monkey.
@djdarrellripley: Ugh! You. Are. A. Terrible. Kisser. If your looking for my tonsils, I had them taken out when I was 8...