@myonlymizztake: One of my coworkers keeps stealing my lunch, so I included my favorite cucumber today. Hope she likes it.
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@Chocovania: GOOD COP: The sign on your door says NOTARY NOTARY: Yes? NOT A GOOD COP: *menacingly leans onto desk* Sounds like something a RY would say
@TheBoydP: Protip: If a party guest says "I don't dance" what he's really telling you is "make my drinks stronger please".
@okimstillhungry: Me: Whats wrong babe? Her: Nothing. Me:*Pauses DVD of Shrek 2 that Ive had on a loop since losing my job* No somethings wrong I can tell.