@JasonBanksComic: One of my exes left me bcuz, according to her, I'll never amount to anything. 15 years later & let me just say this... Lucky guess.
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@WilliamRodgers: "Why have a ballroom, with no Balls?" -Disney's Frozen I paused the movie to tweet this...
@robdelaney: Those a-hole guys on "Teen Mom" don't think being a dad is "cool." Well check me out #Responsibility never looked so "swag! " lol
@goldengateblond: Lady at my gym is pedaling a stationary bike while eating chips right out of the bag. I'm hiring her as my personal trainer.