@leechee420: One of my friends had a baby today, and another got a puppy. I think we all know which one I'm going to visit.
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@TinyNietzsche: Irony walks into a bar the same time as a Coincidence. The bartender asks what they want? "Not to be confused with each other."
@GeauxSaints79: Coworker: What's so funny M: Twitter Cw: Oh! I'm on there, what's your @ M: I meant twizzlers.. Cw: You're looking at your phone. M:...
@TravLeBlanc: A long time ago, I learned the importance of just being myself. I think the world would be a better place if everyone would just be myself.
@TheSharona06: Today seems like a good day to wash my hair and take 10 selfies wearing 10 different shirts so I can pretend I look human on a regular basis