@leechee420: One of my friends had a baby today, and another got a puppy. I think we all know which one I'm going to visit.
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@rickygervais: Suggested Thanksgiving Conversation starters: "Which God are we thanking again?" You're welcome :)
@MMFlint: Conan: The US is on pace 2 b the world's largest producer of oil. So if history has taught us anything, the US will soon be invading the US.
@Michael1979: If you fear that a giraffe has killed your wife and stolen her identity, these are the signs to look out for:
@TheWoodenslurpy: [at stadium with child] Me: That is batball. [at the races] Me: That is horse circles. [at the opera] Me: This is horned yodeling.