@SondraDeeMe: One of my lamps has a light bulb which has outlasted my past 7 relationships.
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@jake_likes_naps: [accidentally calls teacher "mom"] MY BRAIN: shit, play it cool. say something. ME: what's for dinner tonight BRAIN: what
@sucittaM: When I see people running to catch the elevator I'm on I yell "HURRY! YOU GOTTA SMELL THIS!".