@SondraDeeMe: One of my lamps has a light bulb which has outlasted my past 7 relationships.
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@liv_thatsme: (overheard a bride getting her hair done at the salon tell the stylist): “I didn’t want any ugly or fat bridesmaids.” Me (of course, unable to keep my mouth shut): “Good call. It’s not polite to compete with the bride.”
@mattgallo123: *goes to get phone out of car *sees car has been stolen *finds phone in back pocket OH THANK GOD