@weinerdog4life: One of my stuffed animals just told me I should get back on my meds, I guess someone doesn't want to be part of tea party club anymore.
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@amybethlee70: I read an article today about a cat who saved his owner's life. I'm still trying to teach mine not to vomit hairballs on my bed.
@ElitatheLibra: Miles: Mom what does clitoral damage mean? Me: 😳 Use it in a sentence, baby Miles: Like clitoral damage in a war? Me: Co-lat-er-ul, babe
@Holy_Mowgli: "what qualifications do u have to work as a zookeeper?" *slides resume across desk* "I think this speaks for itself" "sir…that's a parrot"