@caseytduncan: One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, "Who ate my kale?"
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@daemonic3: "Is this your resume?" Yes "It just says you used to leave shit at your friends' doors, ring the bell & run away?" Yes "Welcome to UPS!"
@ieatanddrink: If I believed changing my profile picture could change the world I'd change it to a picture of vending machines that dispense tiger cubs
@iwearaonesie: Anytime someone loses something in the office HR doesn't ask if anyone's seen it, they just send out an email that says "Give it back Josh"
@leyawn: someone brought a box of lemons to work and emailed out saying "there's lemons" and now every one has a lemon on their desk. why