@caseytduncan: One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, "Who ate my kale?"
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@GayAtHomeDad: If your partner/spouse tells you they're not reading everything you tweet: A) they're lying B) hi honey!
@_little_old_me: You smell amazing. Like a hotdog. - Me, flirting.
@iRowlf: My girlfriend thinks that I can't cook, but as soon as I figure out how much Play-Doh is supposed to go in meatloaf, I'll prove her wrong.
@AmishPornStar1: "Stupid kid fell in the well again." -if Lassie had been a cat
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