@sarcasticmommy4: One of the greatest gifts my kids have given me is my high tolerance for alcohol.
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@AKATriple: So apparently it's rude if somebody asks if you have a light & you tell them they'll have to go to the end of the tunnel to find it...
@david8hughes: My ransom was dropped from $30,000 to fifty bucks when my parents told my kidnappers it'd take 2 days to come up with the money.
@InternetHippo: Look, if you didn’t want to go to prison you should’ve started a war or destroyed the economy. But you downloaded a movie, you felon
@KyleMcDowell86: I always keep a shotgun under my bed in case a horse sneaks in and breaks his leg