@sarcasticmommy4: One of the greatest gifts my kids have given me is my high tolerance for alcohol.
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@MicheleAKALips: I suspected my marriage was in trouble when I'd meet my husband for dinner then we would both race home to make out with the babysitter.
@Brampersandon_: (Don't let her know you can't read) Yes I'll have this *points to menu* -So you want the gratuity of 15% added to parties of 8 or more? Shit
@captainkalvis: Date: maybe go easy on the salt *i stand up so i can see over my pile of salt* Me: but what if there's a slug in my stomach Date: *trying* then you'd only need a little Me: *motioning to the server to bring more salt* what if its a family of slugs
@PJTLynch: I was laughing at these nerds for wearing their backpack over two shoulders instead of one, and they got so mad they jumped out of the plane