@sarcasticmommy4: One of the greatest gifts my kids have given me is my high tolerance for alcohol.
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@mynameisntdave: [diner] ME: I'll have the eggs, please WAITER: how would you like those? ME: painted and hidden for me to find, thank you.
@DaHess1: I want to see a pregnancy test commercial where 2 single people high five the shit out of each other because it's negative.
@NourHadidi: The only ones awake 3am are the lonely & the loved. And also the sick who have to take antibiotics & pain killers.