@clarkekant: One of the hardest parts of being a parent is discovering your 6 year old is better than you at every video game ever.
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@Prero22: Person: It's not rocket science. Rocket science [wipes forehead and exhales] : Whew! Nearly got caught there.
@sixfootcandy: Dr: How can I help you? Me: Can you make me look like this? Dr: Ma'am, that's a picture of Hello Kitty.
@TheSchnizzy: Yesterday I extinguished a colleague's cigarette at the office with a water pistol. Adds firefighter to resume
@fro_vo: *puts on white shirt* *accidentally spills coffee* *takes off shirt* *shoves shirt into coffee pot* *puts on brown shirt*