@clarkekant: One of the hardest parts of being a parent is discovering your 6 year old is better than you at every video game ever.
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@jctwritesstuff: Me: I should tell him how I feel. Beer: Nah. Vodka: Just be sweet about it. Whiskey: Or yell it. Tequila: MAKE SURE YOU CRY GUYS LOVE THAT
@kimlockhartga: I should get something accomplished, but the cat wants me to sit with him right now.
@kalindi_rana: I can't feel my face when I'm with you, but I love it. Doctor: This is your third Botox appointment. That wasn't even funny the first time.
@TheTweetOfGod: 30 And to his followers he said, "Beliebers, weep not for me but yourselves and your children; for they'll never get to see me in concert."