@clarkekant: One of the hardest parts of being a parent is discovering your 6 year old is better than you at every video game ever.
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@GerryDuggan: Stay through the end of Hansel & Gretel to see Nick Fury kick Jeremy Renner out of The Avengers.
@mjkspeaks: [on phone with attorney] HIM: you're being charged for murder. ME: damn that sounds expensive i guess you can just put it on my Amex
@jakob_huber: I feel bad for tailgating this minivan so closely but once I started watching Kung Fu Panda on his back seat TV I had to see it through.