@clarkekant: One of the hardest parts of being a parent is discovering your 6 year old is better than you at every video game ever.
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@Sickayduh: ME: *angrily dragging wife thru the mall* Maybe THIS jewelry store will have one. HER: I don't think you get what a tornado watch is.
@DadandBuried: I'm at my parenting best when I randomly yell out "be careful!" every few minutes without looking up from my phone.
@Ideal_Victoria: Watching my coworkers split a cupcake three ways was more upsetting than the first time I missed my period.
@moose_chocolate: Music star Kenny Rogers announced his retirement yesterday. In other news, Kenny Rogers is still alive, apparently.