@weismanjake: One of the toughest parts of adulthood is figuring out how to stay friends with people who post too many selfies
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@sadengels: 7 years ago i joined twitter dot com to keep up with one direction on x-factor and now i'm a communist
@RandomManik: -So how can we help you today Mr Benson? "Please. Mr Benson was my father." -Alright. So how can we help you today Mr Bensonson?
@BookishBunny: Pretty much the only time I WANT to hear about your ex is if she's standing behind me with a weapon, other than that I'm good.
@funnybeachgirl: 2 goldfish are in a tank. One looks at the other and says "YOU MAN THE GUNS, I'LL DRIVE!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (I'm not deleting this)