@TheTweetOfGod: Justin Bieber's home has now been thoroughly searched, but police have uncovered no evidence of talent.

@HorryPuttor: how did harry potter get down the hill? walking jk rowling

@IamEnidColeslaw: Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it. Let's do it. Let's live in a homeless man's beard.

@knot_eye: I just vacuumed my dog to cut down on indoor shedding, if you're looking for a life coach or whatever.

@JermHimselfish: "I don't see race." -Russian guy in the back row of a NASCAR event