@AndrewNadeau0: One of the weirdest aspects of being human is that if something is cute enough our only response is to want to squeeze it until it’s dead.
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@nathankmusic: best thing i have overheard in a long time just happened. dude 1: “man, if you haven’tve texted me, i was gonna to bed at like 9.” dude 2: “yea, i was actually hoping you wouldn’t respond so that i could go to bed.” both: “well.... shit.”
@tastefactory: GUY WITH TONS OF BLACKLIGHTS AROUND HIS APARTMENT: Hey come on in! GUY WHO LIKES TO RUB CAT URINE ALL OVER HIMSELF: Ummm. Nah I'm good.
@minealone6: Ran out of toilet paper, so I had to use leaves. Just kidding, but my son learned a big lesson about leaving his clothes in the bathroom.
@UNTRESOR: Just got kicked off a corn forum for saying you can eat the cob. I'll just sign up with a different name. They can't silence the truth.