@SashaBrenner: One of the wheelchair basketball team players has been tested positive for WD40 :(
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@Dmvm1977: When I get home to find my wife naked in the tub, seductively asking me to "warm her up", I dont waste a second.. to throw in a hairdryer
@dave_cactus: ME: I'll have the chicken dinner. WAITER: Yes, sir. *throws corn on the floor* Here, chick chick chick. ME: *pecks at the ground* Excellent.
@KeetPotato: [gets pulled over] cop: "sir, do you know how fast you were going?" [i've swapped places with the dog] me: "answer the man"
@cwhudson: [couple who talks via walkie talkie] GIRL: [into walkie] this relationship is over, over GUY: *cries into walkie* it's roger isn't it?? over