@SashaBrenner: One of the wheelchair basketball team players has been tested positive for WD40 :(
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@junejuly12: When I see a man with long fingernails, my first thought is wizard My second thought is virgin wizard
@Adam_Kingsnorth: Starbucks? Yes I'd like a tepid mug of milk froth please. My name's Adam, but you can call me Aldin.
@DumbConfessions: Her:"Let's make a baby." Him: "Okay! Hold on." *goes to bathroom* [5 minutes later.] Her: "Where'd you go?" Him: "You meant with you??"
@BGH70: The Golden Globe goes to… Burrito … for best actor in a microwave, with a convincing performance of taking longer than necessary.