@MissyMooMorris: One quality im not looking for in a potential partner is the ability to maintain a virtual farm
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@tangledteatime: Me: Let me pet your dogs, mister! Him: Not you again. Get outta here! [LATER] Me: *wearing moustache* Excuse me sir
@MartaEffing: I'm pretty sure the chick at this drive thru had me repeat, 'I'll take a number two', multiple times so she could laugh at me.
@rickolantern: I wish there was something called the pizza/enchilada/beer diet where you lost weight. Cause I'm on it and that's not what's happening.
@murrman5: [during ultrasound] wife: I really thought you were the father me: how could you do this to me? wife's grey and black lover: I told y'all