@dadcid: one small step for man one giant step for a really small man
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@joejwest: LIAM NEESON: [writing grocery list] bread milk cheese eggs vengeance [he stops writing, frowns] v̶e̶n̶g̶e̶a̶n̶c̶e̶ grapes
@shopkins776: With all due respect to the Spice Girls. If you're gonna be my lover, I would prefer it if you didn't get with my friends
@michaelianblack: Is it racist that I only use chopsticks when eating Asian food? I'm never like, "Time for pancakes! Where are my chopsticks?"