@dadcid: one small step for man one giant step for a really small man
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@holyscum: boss: r u flexible this week me: i used 2 be able 2 do a split in 4th grade i mean i could try but idk if there's enough space in ur office
@Sickayduh: [Touring Italy] Guide: Bathroom anyone? Me: I peed at the Tower of Pizza Guide: That's Pisa Me: Sorry. I took a pisa at the Tower of Pizza
@AGreaterMonster: If Twitter adds an edit button you'll retweet "I like kittens" and ten minutes later it'll say "I drink period blood."