@dadcid: one small step for man one giant step for a really small man
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@welone1: During sex, my wife always wants to talk to me? Just the other night she called me from some hotel.
@Reverend_Scott: wife: um, why is the zoo calling about a missing baby tiger? me filling a big bowl with frosted flakes: no idea.
@Mr_Kapowski: Boss: You're late Me: Sorry, my clock was set to Australian time Boss: That would make today Saturday Me: You're right. I'll go home
@nbadag: [restaurant] *patpatpat* ME: you hear that? *patpatPATPAT* DATE: what the [penguin bolts out of kitchen with a fish] CHEF: SOMEBODY STOP HIM