@living_marble: One thing books from 100 years ago teach us is that if you leave a baby in the jungle, it'll be fine. Better than fine, actually.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@kumailn: Xmas Russian Roulette: 1. Sit next to parents. 2. Type any letter into browser on your laptop. 3. Go to the website it auto completes to.
@myles_morrison: Sometimes I miss my real friends and then I think, screw them, they don't even star my tweets.
@SteussieErica: Parenting: 1st kid: Document their every move 2nd kid: forget to pick them up 99% of the time
@Dank_Pal: [Job Interview] Sir, it says here you're part of a small group of criminals that primarily kills interviewersoohhhhmygod