@living_marble: One thing books from 100 years ago teach us is that if you leave a baby in the jungle, it'll be fine. Better than fine, actually.
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@Scott_A_Gilmore: News says there were a "record number of marijuana seizures" in 2015. Weird … after all these decades I've never had a single seizure.
@thenoahkinsey: When someone at the gym asks if I'm "using that equipment", I say "No, my love for it is real." To date, I'm the only one to find that funny
@ComedicBust: [Blind Date] Octopus: [confused] Your profile said you were 40 ounces.. Catfish: C'mon baby, we're already here, let's just have a drink..