@haolegurl808: One thing you can count on: For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
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@Dmvm1977: OMG! My boss has choked on his sandwich and stopped breathing!! Should I call an ambulance? Its been 16hrs.. I didn't wanna make a fuss.
@michaelianblack: Got to admire these NFL players who are so committed to their jobs of beating the shit out of people that they do it even in their off time.
@trojansauce: [getting a haircut] BARBER: anything else? ME: cut me BARBER: what? no ME: like sweeney todd BARBER: i'm no- ME:make me into a pie