@haolegurl808: One thing you can count on: For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
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@SteveDutzy: Sometimes I find myself feeling hopeful for the future of the human race but then I remember there are grown men who like My Little Pony.
@jonnysun: "knock knock" whos there "orange" orange who "orange u glad im not a banana?" .... MARTHA THERES A RACIST ORAMGE AT THE DOOR DO I LET HIM IN
@ElKnuckelhombre: Me: Ohhh, MARITAL arts workshop...now I really feel stupid in this karate outfit. Wife to therapist: Do you see what I'm dealing with here?
@bombsydoll: [at dentist office] Well you gave me this paper bib and said to put it on how was I to know I wasn't supposed to undress first