@itsa_talia: one time a friend asked me "how are you still single?!" and the list of reasons is still compiling in my head
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@_Fariis: Pretty sure Google has this master plan of taking over the world by blackmailing everyone with their search history.
@jackiembouvier: Friend: Don't you recycle? Me: I do what I can. F: What about the seals? M: Am I responsible for their recycling, too?!
@UncleDuke1969: Me: Whatcha doing on the PC? Daughter: Looking at peckers. M: WHAT?!? D: Science project on chickens. M: Oh. D: You walked RIGHT into that.
@murrman5: [in a meeting] ok a Dracula movie except he's new in town and biting is illegal but he befriends the pastors daught- "that's just Footloose"